The Rescue of Mr Gordo
by Mrs Muir
Summary: Buffy, her mother and Dawn find themselves destitute. Her only remaining friend, Spike, helps her rescue Mr. Gordo from her former home and reveal the secrets of her heart. Now Complete.
1. Hence the Problem

**Title:                The Rescue of Mr. Gordo**

**Author: Mrs Muir**

**Rating:             R**

**Disclaimer:      All things BtVs belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Fox or UPN whichever is appropriate. I own nothing but original characters and places.**

**Chapter 1 – Hence the Problem**

The hallway was crowded. If her timing hadn't been off, since she had been hoping to get here right before the final bell, it would have rendered the gauntlet virtually empty. But not much of anything lately had been going Buffy Anne Summers way and this was just one more thing to add to the list. Well, if nothing else, she still had her pride, no matter what else they took from her. Taking a deep breath she stepped around the corner, in the clothes they had gotten from the thrift store and her fly away hair because she could only afford the cheapest stuff now, into the throng of people. Some of them she used to call friend and some were too below her to call friend, but now they were all above her in the social scheme of life.

Her destination was her locker and she headed for it with the single mindedness of a salmon swimming upstream. At first there was a hushed silence at her first appearance since it had happened and then came the soft swell of whispers then the loud taunts that turned her pale cheeks to flaming red.

"Hey, Summers, is that the latest design or did you decide to be original?" Cordelia called out.

"Still think you're too good to date me?" Xander joined in.

"Hey, Xander, I think there is finally someone not good enough to date you." Angel taunted as he reached out to smack her ass.

Everyone in the hallway laughed and she picked up her pace.

When she passed Willow she only saw pity in the other girl's eyes and a touch of superiority, for now she was no longer the bottom of the pecking order. Buffy quickly put her eyes to the floor and wished something huge would come along and swallow her whole. Tears burned her eyes and she blinked them back quickly. She was not going to give them the satisfaction. As her locker came closer she saw them. The Doc Martens standing between her and the end of the line but they stepped to the side as she came closer. Her hand reached for the lock as she glanced at him to see what his reaction to her new situation was.

"Have something to say?" Buffy whispered.

Here was the one person in school that might be below her and Willow and he didn't give a damn if he was. Spike. The town bad boy and social scourge. He lived in a trailer out on in the woods with his never married mother and did whatever the hell he wanted. Everyone said the only reason he came to school was because it was the only way he could stay out of reform school. 

But Buffy knew better.

"Just proud of you, that's all." 

Their eyes met with an impact that shook her soul and the tears that threatened shimmered ever closer to the surface.

"You cry and you'll ruin it." Spike said softly. "Need to get to class but wanted you to know if you need me I'm here."

"Thanks," Buffy said and watched him walk away. His leather duster flew around him as he moved through the other kids. They all said they hated him but it was funny how they parted to let him through. It was as if they instinctively knew he was somehow more than they could ever be. For a brief moment she let her mind fly back to last summer, right after Angel had broken up with her, and she thought her world had fallen apart. The summer night when her car had broken down on the side of the road and the night she had let Spike…

_"You all right, Luv?" He had whispered as she trembled in his arms. "I didn't know it was your first time. Might have been more gentle if I'd known."_

_His eyes had been filled with concern and passion as she pulled his head down for another kiss which had only led them to more.  It had started off as revenge to have sex with the lowliest boy in town just to hurt Angel but it had turned to real passion as those hands had slid over her body. _

Even now thinking of him moving over and in her turned her insides to jelly. They had both known that they wouldn't work as a couple at that point in their lives but they had become friends. Secret friends and he had never let her down. And they had never touched again but she knew that he would if she asked, just as he would stand behind her no matter what happened and she wouldn't humiliate him by letting their friendship out now. He deserved more than to be associated with her.

Once the class princess and now the 'living in a motel, lucky to be eating, wearing thrift store clothes, because you're Daddy decided to do a little IRS non-paying before skipping out of town with his secretary' social ruin that she was, wasn't good enough for Spike anymore. 

No, Spike had deserved more before and he deserved more now.

With a sigh, Buffy got her books and headed to class. Once this day was over, she'd feel better. And probably a whole lot stronger.

~~~~~~~

The crickets were singing loudly as Buffy walked to the end of the dock. A smile danced across her lips, as she saw him sitting at the end, just as she knew he would be. After school he had passed her with a cocked eyebrow and she had nodded. It was his standard, 'I'll meet you later' invitation and her usual acceptance of time spent with him signal they had perfected over the last year. She inhaled as the smoke from his cigarette hovered around his head. It was comforting. It was him and it was wrapped up in the most intense pleasure she had ever known. She wondered for a moment if that smell would always leave her tingling between the legs.

"Hey," she said as sat next to him, and reached for his cigarette, took a deep drag, instantly regretting it as it burned down into her lungs, sending her into a coughing fit.

"Pet, slow down on your slide into total oblivion, I like having you around." Spike laughed as he clapped her on the back. 

"Thanks."

He handed her a beer from the six-pack he had on the other side of him. This she could handle, thanks to other nights like this, and thanks to him. The lake was calm while the moon light shone across the water. Buffy swallowed half the bottle down in one gulp while he watched in amazement because usually she only nursed one through their talks. Tonight she wanted to forget. 

"It was horrible, Spike," she finally admitted. The crack in her voice belied the emotions that were tearing through her. "They took everything. We couldn't even pack a bag. They have to catalog every item in the house before we get anything back. Fuck, even my diary is in the house still."

"Now, that might be worth bidding on in the auction. Might find out how you really feel about me." He half-joked with a bitter laugh. 

She turned to him with those emerald eyes shimmering in the night from those unshed tears that she hadn't felt safe letting go of yet. He held his arms out and she burrowed against him, letting the sobs rip through her. In the last year he had been the only real thing in her life. Her only real friend. The others had just wanted to be around her because she was the most popular girl in school. They wanted the prestige and popularity that went with being in her orbit. Spike didn't care about that stuff and always cut through the bullshit with the precision of a sharpened knife. 

Now, though he was tender and sweet and she wanted to lose herself in his love for her. But she wouldn't hurt him like that. Prom tickets were going on sale the next week and her original plan was inviting him to go with her. To show the whole school who was really important to her. 

Their plans to escape Sunnydale had been building for months as she helped him apply for scholarships and prepare applications to colleges. They were going to go together and she had planned on telling him she loved him when they were dancing together so they could go as a couple.

Now, it was all gone. And she wasn't going to hold him back with her problems. 

She cried as much now for the loss of those dreams as she did for her life and the loss of those things she had thought was so important. When one of them was zigging the other was zagging and she wondered if they would ever fit together.

Finally she calmed down and shifted so she was lying with her head on his lap while his fingers played with her hair.

"I'm sorry for crying like that."

"For what? I'm just glad that you trusted me enough."

Her laughter echoed the bitterness of his only a short time ago and her hand reached for his, pulling it to her lips and kissing it softly. 

"You're the only thing I trust right now."

"Now that's a shame," he laughed as his hand still clasped hers. 

They were both quiet for a few minutes, enjoying the serenity that always came with them being together in their spot, and the freedom of knowing that here they could be who they really were. Buffy sat up but remained close to him, closer than she normally sat; needing the reassurance of his body that she knew would always protect her. With a few quick swallows she finished the first beer and reached for another. Their eyes met as he silently questioned her but she stared at him in determination and he gave in.  

It was as she started on her third that she began to talk again. She told him about them living in a hotel room with a small kitchenette. That if their mom hadn't taken out a withdrawal the day of the eviction that they would have been destitute. The government had frozen all their accounts and credit cards. They had been asked to leave their home with only the clothes on their back. It was that night that they heard from her father. He was at the airport in New York and leaving for Spain. He said he was sorry but that was it. 

Her emotions froze off as she spoke and she wouldn't even have felt real if it wasn't for Spike's hand on her back.  He gently rubbed in slow circles as she unloaded her loss of material possessions to someone who had never had anything. It wasn't really the loss of things that bothered her so much. It was the loss of her identity. She didn't know who she was anymore.

"I know who you are." Spike whispered softly as he pulled her toward him. Her head cushioned in the crook of his neck. "You're the girl I love."

"I know."

It was the first time he had ever said the words even though she had known for a while now. She wanted to say the words back. If she did then she would have an identity again. She would be Spike's girl. But she couldn't use him like that. She had planned to go to him as a girl with a future ahead of her and they could start over in a new town as equals. Not now. 

She laughed and he froze as he wondered if it was him that she was laughing at. 

"Spike, it's funny. Everyone in this town thought that I had the world by the tail. The girl most likely to succeed and that you were going nowhere and now it's totally reversed."

"Nah, you've just had a setback that's all."

Platitudes. The one thing she didn't want or need and she mumbled a quick good-night as she scrambled to stand. The extra beer she had drunk made her dizzy and she swayed on the end of the dock. Her hand frantically tried to find something to hold onto and it was him. As always.

"Come on, Summers, I'll see you home. Car is up this way."

With an arm around her waist he led her up to his old Desoto that he had rebuilt from a broken down shell. Buffy giggled as she wondered if he could do the same for her but knew that he could if she'd let him.  He threw the bag with the leftover beer and bottles into the trunk before directing her toward the front seat. 

Her back was against the car as his hand rested on her waist to steady her and the other struggled to get the car door open. It always stuck. 

"You gotta lift and pull," she instructed as she turned around to show him what to do. "I know because I'm the one that's been opening this side."

Buffy yanked on the door and it fell open, knocking her off balance, with another giggle she fell backwards, and they both tumbled to the ground.

"Bullocks," he muttered in defeat as she squirmed around on top of him trying to stand. His head fell back with a groan as she sat up on top of his stomach and her hand trying to find something to push herself up with encased his erection.

They both froze, especially her hand, as the knowledge swept through both of them. Wide green eyes met his as she sat there feeling him grow even harder and bigger.

"Pet, if you're not going to do anything about it then would you mind letting it go?"

Which only made her cry again as she realized that now she might never be able to make love to him again. Something she had been looking forward to after she had declared her love to him.

"I'm sorry. I'm not good enough for you anymore."

"For what? For sex, to be my friend or something else?"

"For all of it."

Buffy found herself dumped on the ground as Spike decided even the cheap thrills wasn't worth losing their friendship over. She gave him a dirty look as he stood, leaving her on the ground, to look up at him. The way it should be. 

"Well, that's a stupid statement coming from the girl who has been telling me for months that it didn't matter if I'm a bastard child, living in a trailer with my mom, that I could be anyone I want to be. The same girl who has been trying to find a way for me to get out of this god forsaken place."

"Yeah, that's when I knew who I was." She told him as she stood again only to start to walk away from him.

"That's what you were doing then?"

"What?"

Spike caught up with her, pulling her around to face him and as the eyes didn't meet his, he knew and for the first time since their friendship had begun, being around her sickened him.

"You were only doing it so that you could bring me up to your level. You were ashamed of who I was and figured if I'd change I'd be good enough to touch the holy shrine that was Buffy Summers. What a fool I've been."

TBC


	2. Temporary Solutions

**Chapter 2 – Temporary Solutions**

Spike's words rang out through the night shattering her illusions of his trust in her.  He turned to head back toward the car, leaving her unable to breath, frozen in her pain. Her mind scrambled for something to say, anything that would hold him there.

"You want to touch me. Then touch me," she cried. As he turned back to look at her, she began to pull her clothes off. "Go ahead and fuck me, Spike."

Her shoes flew through the air landing at his feet as her sobs stopped anymore words from being said. A part of her didn't care. She wanted him. Had always wanted him but she had once believed in happy endings and if all she could now be was one of his weekly conquests then that is what she would be.

"Stop it, Buffy." He said but yet he watched as her body became more visible.

"No, what you said is bullshit. You know it is." She said. "I have never, ever, thought that you weren't good enough for me."

"Then why," he purred as he sauntered toward her, "haven't you made this offer before?" His hand slid around her waist and pulled her against him. "Or do you think that now you're below me it doesn't matter anymore?" 

Their eyes collided in a stormy demand for conquest, hers to have him for just one more moment and his to win her heart. As they visually sparred, and she felt her heart breaking from the truth hidden among a lie, she reacted and her hand connected with his face. He stared at her in disbelief before he picked her up and carried her, struggling, back to the car. She was deposited on the trunk with him between her knees and his hand pulled her head back by her hair.

"No one hits me," he growled. "Do you understand me? No one. Not anymore."

"I know, I'm sorry, Spike. Please."

"If it was anyone but you, I would have hit them back." His eyes moved over her body, still covered by panties, bra and her unbuttoned shirt. "But maybe I'll just take you up on your pity offer and relieve some frustration that way."

She whimpered as she slid toward him and his hand covered her breast. Almost a year they had denied themselves this pleasure. He had other women in his life, she knew that, but she hadn't been with anyone else. None of the boys she had dated had come close to making her feel the way he could with just a glance across a hallway and she wouldn't hurt herself by settling.

With a final glance into each other's eyes their lips met in a vicious battle of wills. There was no gentle coaxing but lips and tongues trying to dominate each other with the most pleasure. Cool air danced across her breasts as he undid her bra and she took his hand and led him to her aching flesh. Her sobs of pain turned to cries for more as he suckled at her neck, leaning her downwards until her back hit the metal of the car.

Automatically her legs wrapped around him and a groan was rendered as his erection pressed against the apex of her thighs. Nothing mattered anymore but how he was making her feel again. The coldness of these past few days disappeared as her body went into heated overload and his mouth finally clasped her nipple between his lips. The whole world disappeared as she rubbed herself against him, creating an aching vortex that only he could satisfy.

Just as she reached the point of begging for him, everything changed.

"I love you, Buffy, oh God I love you," he moaned as his mouth moved down her stomach and his fingers caught the waistband of her panties.

"No, no, stop, damn it, stop," she begged as she pushed him away. In a meager attempt at modesty she pulled her shirt around her. Through her tears she finally looked up at him, standing only inches away but miles divided them, those eyes she had wanted to drown in were filled with so much pain. "I can't do this."

"Can't or won't," he rasped out as his own tears started to fall.

"Can't, I won't hurt you with promises of things that…give you things you can't keep."

He laughed. "Who said I wanted to keep it?"

It was a way to protect himself but it ripped her fragile ego even further as she slid off the trunk and began to gather her shoes and pants.

"I guess I was the fool who believed you when you said you loved me." 

Tears slid silently down her face. There was nothing left. The last precious thing in the world was taken from her because she couldn't give him what he wanted, her body, or what he needed, her heart. The devastation showed on her face as she fastened her bra and began to do up the buttons on her blouse.

Suddenly he was there, his hands covering hers.

"I know you don't love me but you've always made me feel like a man. More than I ever thought I could be. You're hurting and the 'hold me' vibes have been rolling off of you tonight thicker than molasses. Let me give something back."

He took her jeans and shoes, only to drop them on the ground, before pulling her toward the car. Their eyes didn't break contact until he turned them so she could get in the car first.

"I don't want to hurt you," she whispered in one last effort to protect him from the damage that she was.

"It's my choice," he answered as he pulled his t-shirt over his head while he kicked his shoes off. 

With steady hands she slipped her shirt and bra off leaving them in a pile on the ground before sliding into the backseat. He followed her and this time it was slow and sweet as he made her feel real again and gave her his dreams of who she was. His love flowed over her as surely as his hands and mouth did. He filled her and moved in her as she clung to him with everything she had. She held nothing back, letting her body tell him of what her voice never could, pretending that this could be real for them. 

As she came, tears flowed from them both as he rocked himself toward his, and they held each other with regrets that they couldn't have made it last forever. They both knew it would probably be the last time they would ever touch like this.

When they finally separated he got out of the car, pulled his jeans on and grabbed the rest of their clothes, bringing them back into the car with him. As she slowly dressed he huddled by the door, smoking a cigarette, the hurt was hanging heavy around him. And she didn't know what to say to him to make it better. The only thing she knew was the one thing she couldn't. As she moved to climb into the front seat with him, she pulled his duster off the back of the seat and an envelope floated to the floor.

"What's this?"

He tried to snatch it from her but she pulled back as she turned it over. It was from UCLA.   
  
"You got accepted, didn't you? Everything is set for you to go and you weren't going to tell me. Were you?"

"Only if you come with me."

She climbed over the seat and sitting with her legs drawn up, she faced him with his hand in hers.

"I can't Spike, seriously I can't."

"Why?" His voice was so forlorn and lost, that he broke her heart even more. "I can't do it without you."

"Yes, you can. You have to. One of us has to get out of here so that one of us makes it."

The cigarette was ground out before his fingers traced her face. 

"Why can't you come with me?"

"I wish I could but everything's changed. I don't have the money to pay for college anymore and besides…my mom she's devastated over everything. She can't even get out of bed and I got a job after school to support us until she's better. I can't leave her and Dawn alone. Do you understand?"

"Yeah, I do," he smiled slightly. "No matter what anyone says, you've never been selfish and if you didn't help your mum, I'd be really surprised."

"So, will you go? Go to college like we planned. Make something of yourself. Please?"

He pulled her toward him and kissed her softly before rubbing his nose against hers.

"Yeah, I'll go. But I'm not giving up on you yet."

She laughed, tickling his face with the sound, "Friends don't give up on each other."

They kissed again, letting it linger for awhile, their tongues playing softly as they held onto the moment as long as possible.

"I don't know who I'll miss more." She whispered as she cuddled into him. "You or Mr. Gordo, the two of you have always been there for me."

"That arrogant pig? The one who doesn't understand why you waste your time on me, pig? Please," he teased until he saw she was serious. "What happened to Mr. Gordo?"

"He's still in the house. They say we can get the personal non-valuable stuff out when they are done but I miss him and Dawn's been crying for Mr. Lido the lamb."

A decision was made as he thought of her sister crying for a small stuffed animal because if she was then Buffy probably was too. He picked her up and moved her to the other side of the car so he could slide under the wheel.

"Did we get everything?" He asked as he started the car.

Buffy quickly scanned the outside and nodded. "Where are we going?"

"To rescue the hostages," he told her solemnly as he pulled out onto the road. "Mr. Gordo and Mr. Lido need to be home with their mothers.

Buffy laughed and knew if she hadn't loved him before, she did now. A rush of adrenaline coursed through her and she pointed down the highway, "Up, up and away."

TBC


	3. Freeing the Hostages

**Chapter 3 – Freeing the Hostages**

The road was quiet in the almost midnight hour. Spike felt that he was dreaming and wondered how long it would take until he woke. He hoped it wasn't for a while because he wanted to see how far this would go and he didn't want to lose the way his body felt in the aftermath of making love to her again. The memory of her still clung to his skin. He glanced over at her as she stared out the window. Her eyes were blank and unseeing and he wondered if she regretted him already. When she turned and smiled gently at him, he relaxed. It wasn't a big smile or could even be deemed a happy smile, but it was a smile followed by a scooting until she was beside him. Buffy took his hand from the wheel until it was around her shoulders so that she could settle against his side and he was a happy man. Just like the first time he had ever made love to her.

_It had been late July, one of those nights when the air was sticky and hot, hanging heavy over everyone and everything. His mom was at work and he had just returned from his own job and was enjoying having the small trailer to himself. If they were both there, then there was no privacy, in the small box they shared. He was stretched out on the couch in nothing but a faded pair of jeans that if he stood would hang low on his hips. The small air conditioner was pumping as hard as it could but wasn't doing very much, so he had the fan on also, anything to relieve the oppressive heat._

_He almost jumped through his own skin when there was a timid knock on the door. No one came out here so it took him a second to assimilate that there really had been a knock, when another louder one sounded followed by a desperate whine, "Please someone be home."_

_That galvanized him into action and he hurried to the door. He knew that voice, had been listening to it as far back as he could remember. Not that he ever talked to her really but her voice was always around, strident in her little group of friends, giving speeches as class whatever's and loud and insistent as cheerleader. You couldn't escape Buffy Summers in this town, no matter how hard you wanted to._

_This was going to be fun, he thought as he pulled the door open. And with that his whole world changed._

_He felt like he had been punched in the stomach. Buffy was standing by the bottom step in a pair of white denim shorts and pink halter top. Pink lip gloss coated that mouth and her hair was pulled back in a high pony tail. She looked like cotton candy and unconsciously he licked his lips._

_"Hi, Spike, may I use your phone?" Then when he only continued to stare at her she added, "My car broke down about a half mile down the road."_

_Finally tearing his eyes away from those lips, he glanced over her head as if he could see the car then back down to her. A small chuckle as he looked at her again. She wasn't even sweating in this heat. And he guessed when you were part of the elite, sweat didn't dare touch you, and even when he was thinking it, he could feel a bead of sweat roll down his chest. _

_"You think my car breaking down is funny?" she asked._

_"No, come in, phones over there," he said gesturing to his left. That was when he noticed she was watching that bead of sweat as it now slid down his stomach. He cocked an eyebrow at her when she didn't move. "Do you want to use the phone or stand out there in the heat?"_

_That moved her into the house. He waited frozen as she looked around, waiting for a gesture or face to indicate her superiority over his home but she didn't, only located the phone and headed toward it._

_"I could look at it for you," he offered._

_"Nah, thanks anyway, my dad has this auto club thing and he's picky about this shit." She replied as she hopped up to sit on the counter and dialed the phone._

_All he could do was wait but as he sat on the edge of the couch again, he kept glancing at her and she kept glancing at him and every once in a while their glances would collide. And every time they did he felt a tightening in his groin and the temperature in the room rise. _

_"Do you want a soda?"_

_She nodded eagerly and he moved off the couch. The area was small and in order for him to reach the refrigerator he had to slide between the table and her. From her position on the counter she could have reached it herself but that wouldn't have been as much fun as brushing against her leg when he bent over to rummage in the fridge to find them a drink. He was shocked when he felt her fingers touch him, slowly tracing the scar across his upper back from when he had gone through a window when he was thirteen. As he stood she didn't remove her hand, didn't feign ignorance in what she was doing, only allowed it to shift as he moved, over his shoulder until it rested on his upper chest. This time when their eyes met he knew. _

_Buffy was looking to take a walk on the wild side. The poor side. The whatever side and it was up to him if he wanted to or not.  He took her offer. He had been watching her since he was three and saw her in the grocery store. Even then she was beautiful and it was funny because she had been in pink that day too. A little princess. And since then every girl in his life had been compared to her and been found lacking in some way. To be able to taste the real thing even if it was just a fuck to her was too tempting. Maybe if he had her and found and tasted her flaws then he could forget. _

_She took one of the cans from his hand, popped it open and took a long drink._

_"I'm on hold. Good thing I'm not desperate here."_

_His decision made he placed his soda on the counter and moved slowly until he faced her. His eyes on her chin, he stepped forward and she spread her legs to give him room to get closer. A part of him was shouting in joy while another was trembling in fear. He had lost his virginity when he was fourteen and had been active ever since but this was his dream and it terrified him. A slight inhale and he took her into his body, the expensive perfume, the girl, the sweetness of her musk and he hardened. He swallowed and placed his hands on her knees then when there was still no resistance, he let them drift upwards, over the muscled tanned thighs, over her hips and around to her bottom. He pulled slightly, bringing her the edge and her ankles crossed behind his back. Her hand that had never left him moved behind his head through his hair and pulled him forward until his lips were on her throat. _

_"Uh, hello, yeah I'm broken down," Buffy stammered out as he licked, sucked and nipped on her neck. "I'll hold. No hickeys okay, my mom is like hickey patrol queen." She whispered into his ear right before she moaned as he tugged on her ear lobe. _

_"Okay," he told her as he moved one of his hands upwards, over her waist, along her rib cage. He held it there giving her time to stop him and when she didn't, he covered her breast with his palm, letting the weight fill it. She shifted on the counter, restless, and he rolled her nipple between his fingers and she quivered against him. _

_She was back on the phone again, talking to the service people and he hoped it was going to be awhile then decided if there wasn't much time he may as well go for broke, and pushed her halter top upwards so there was nothing between his hand and her flesh. She squirmed and he smiled against her skin and dived. His mouth took that succulent mound in, sucking it for all he was worth and she arched back, her head hitting the cabinets but still her hand pulled him closer. _

_"Forget it, I'll find someone else," she ground out before clicking the phone off and dropping it on the counter. "Three hours they said, Oh holy mother, I told them to forget it, Spike," she stammered out as he continued to assault her. His mouth was on her breast and his hand between her legs and she was shaking against him._

_It was time and he pulled back. "Bedroom or your car?" _

_For a moment he thought he saw fear in her eyes but it couldn't be. They had known each other all their lives and the way she was acting she had to have been giving it up to her boyfriend for awhile. Maybe it was the realization that she was cheating on him that had her spooked but he waited and let her decide._

_"Bedroom," she whispered as she hopped off the counter and took his hand to lead him down the short hallway to his room. "This one?" She asked as she stopped outside it and when he nodded, she stepped in and took him with her._

"Hey, Spikey, you still in there?" Buffy giggled as she snapped her fingers in front of his face.

He smiled down at her and hugged her a little tighter.

"What's up, pet?"

"Was just going to tell you not to park on my street, park over on Essex, we'll use the shortcut."

"Is this the infamous 'Buffy sneaking in at four in the morning' route?"

"Yes, it is. And just for the record, you are the only who has ever given me such trouble by bringing me home so late."

He laughed, "yeah, right."

It was too much to hope for that there hadn't been anyone else since last summer. She had dated a few boys over the last school year but from the way she acted, none of them had been serious but he didn't ask because he didn't really want to know. And every once in awhile when she needed to cut loose he would take her away somewhere to have some fun where no one knew them. Once they had gone all the way into LA, with a couple of fake IDs and had done some club hopping and that was the one and only time he hadn't gotten her home until almost dawn. It had been worth it though. That is if you were into games of pretend with a girl who didn't love you back but he was, so it was.

As he turned on to Essex, he cut the lights and motor, letting the car drift to the curb before stopping it. They got out, Buffy scooting behind him on the driver's side, and then she took the lead. Her small hand clutching his as they cut through someone's yard followed a fence through several backyards and stopped behind this huge orange tree. He watched in amazement as Buffy pulled a couple of boards in the fence away to reveal a space. 

"This leads to my backyard," she whispered with a gleam in her eyes. "You stay here." Her hand settled across his lips when he tried to protest. "I've been sneaking in this house all my life and I know which window to use and where the squeaky boards are." She leaned over and her lips replaced her hand and against his lips, she whispered; "Besides you have more to lose than me. If I get caught they might have pity on me in court. Okay? Promise you'll stay here."

He nodded because she was right and besides this should be quick and simple. 

"Be careful."

This time he kissed her, letting his tongue dip into her mouth for just a moment before she went. Maybe he was wrong to let her go alone but logically she was right and he could keep an eye out for police or security from here. He watched as she opened a window and crawled in. Her hand waved and he relaxed.

_She had gone from fantasy to hard core reality when he realized he had taken her virginity. He wanted to humbly ask why but he didn't know how and he lay staring at the ceiling trying to accept that he had just made love to Buffy twice. After the first time he had whispered his apology for maybe hurting her, she had pulled him to her, and they had become lost in the fire between them again._

_Spike glanced over at her quickly but she was doing the same as him. Staring at the ceiling, the sheet modestly pulled over her breasts with her hands holding it in place. He knew he should say something. This had to be awkward as hell for her but he was shell shocked that this was happening and couldn't think of a thing to say. And unfortunately he said the first thing in his mind and of course it came out completely wrong._

_"So, what is Angel going to say when you finally give it up and he finds out its already gone?"_

_A tear ran down her cheek, and he never knew if it was because of what they had done, his words or her next ones._

_"We broke up three days ago. He was cheating on me."_

_It hit him, the reason why and it hurt like a bitch. This was her way of getting back at Angel. A revenge fuck and he was just convenient. And it had nothing to do with him at all. He stood and started to search for his jeans._

_"Let's go look at your car so you can get back into town and let everyone know that you got Angel back."_

_The one tear turned to more as she sat up and stared at him._

_"Angel is never going to know this happened."_

_"What's the use of doing this to get back at him if he doesn't know about it?"_

_She sighed softly but still didn't leave the bed. _

_"Please don't make this ugly."_

_He laughed at her whispered plea. It was ugly and it was tearing his heart out._

_"Look princess, I don't mind a good toss in the sheets but I don't like being used. Usually if I fuck a girl it's because she wants me to not for revenge. It might have been nice if you'd told me first."_

_Then she started bawling and he felt like a damn heel. He sighed as he rolled his eyes and went to sit next to her on the bed. She cried even harder as he reached out to touch her.  
  
"Hey, it wasn't that bad was it?"_

_She shook her head._

_"Buffy, come on, don't cry. I'm confused here, that's all." A thought occurred to him that hurt worse than the revenge. "Are you ashamed because you fuc...slept with me?"_

_Another head shake._

_Her arms suddenly snaked around his neck and held onto him while she cried. His hands caressed her back as the tears poured down his chest. She was trembling with the force of them and he felt even worse than before._

_"You were right but it's not the way you think," she finally managed to say._

_"Do you want to explain?" _

_At that moment he wasn't sure if he should be angry, hurt or guilty._

_Buffy pulled away from him and leaned against the headboard, the sheet was gathered around her waist now and she didn't move to cover herself._

_"I did want to hurt Angel and I didn't stop what was going on between us because I figured that's what I wanted to do."_

_He stood because he didn't want to hear anymore. "Get dressed and we'll go look at your car."_

_But she didn't move and acted like she hadn't heard him._

_"When we got in here and…and you were touching me, I realized that Angel was still the excuse but not the excuse I thought it was for. It was an excuse to take what I always wanted."_

_He froze._

_"Come again?"_

_She smiled slyly. "I could if you want to help." _

_But he didn't say anything and this time she pulled the sheet over her and her hand wiped the tears from her cheeks._

_"I've always liked you."_

_"Yeah, right, just the good girl wanting the bad boy. Typical. Do you know how many girls in your circle have wanted to spend the night with me just to live dangerously? Guess you were the first to achieve it. Congratulations Buffy, you got revenge on Angel and have something to brag about to your friends."_

_"You don't even remember."_

_"Remember what?"_

_"Seventh grade. We were lab partners for a project in biology."_

_Yeah, he remembered. Every time he got close to her, he'd turn into a mass of nerves, that couldn't speak, couldn't think coherently and wanted to run for safety._

_"I remember."_

_"And I kept asking you to go to the library for extra studying and you kept refusing."_

_"You were trying to hit on me?" Spike knew his mouth was hanging open as he let the memories of her at thirteen flow over him. He hadn't had a clue._

_"Yeah, I was because I wanted you to be my first kiss."_

A noise broke him from his memories and he peered around the fence to watch her shimmy out of the window with a bag clutched in her hand. He smiled as she glanced around and made a beeline for him.   
  
"Freeze, police."

Buffy froze, fear evident on her face and when he started to climb through the fence she shook her head and mouthed for him to go back. What kind of man would he be if he let her face this alone? And he knew something she didn't as he made his way toward her and the police officer who was holding a gun pointed at Buffy's back. His hands immediately went up when he saw that. His eyes darted between the terror on her face to the hard stone of the cop's.

"Office Beckham, it's me Spike." He said hoping that it would have some effect on the situation.

"Spike, you in on this?" Beckham asked as his free hand reached for his flashlight. The light was shone first in Spike's face then the back of Buffy's head. "Turn around slowly, young lady."

She nodded and did as he requested.

"He didn't know what I was doing. I just asked him for a ride. Honest."

"Buffy, you're babbling and making it worse, shush," Spike told her softly.

She shut up and stood trembling in the glare of the flashlight. The gun was returned to its holster but he didn't strap it in. 

"What the hell is going on? You one of the girls who lived here?"

"Yes," Buffy whispered as tears started to fall again reminding both men of a kitten who was being tortured and didn't understand why.

"What was so important that you broke in there for?"

"Buffy, hand him the bag," Spike told her calmly. Her hand jerked as she brought it down and Beckham's hand rested on his gun again. "Slowly, slowly."

"Open it for me," Beckham demanded so he wouldn't have to let go of either his gun or light.

The bag was opened and the light was flashed on the contents. 

"What the hell?" Beckham asked as he reached into the bag and brought out Mr. Gordo. A smile started to curl his lip but it stopped as he squeezed the stuffed animal and felt something inside. The flashlight was tucked under his arm as he clutched the animal between his hands and was ready to tear it apart.

"No, please don't hurt him," Buffy pleaded.

"What's in it?"

"Shake it. It's a bell."

This time Beckham smiled as the bell softly tinkled when he shook the animal. He turned his attention to the bag and pulled out Mr. Lido and two books.

"Those are my sister's and my diaries."

"Give those to me when you're done," Spike smirked as he spoke for the first time.

The smile turned to a laugh as the officer dumped the animals back into the bag and opened one diary, then dropped Dawn's back into the bag and opened Buffy's. He flipped the pages and then started to read an entry. Spike felt Buffy squirm next to him.

"So, you know how to cook those onion things, Spike and, oh my, is she your girl?"

"No."

Beckham winked at Buffy, "I won't tell."  He told her as he laughed. The light was flashed in their faces again so he could take in their embarrassment evident by the bright red of their complexions.

"You would have gotten this stuff back. Why commit a felony to get them?"

"Her sister was crying for her lamb. Think if it was Lindsey." Spike said as he brought up Officer Beckham's twelve-year-old daughter.

Beckham sighed as he contemplated them. "Look, I got a call on some kids sneaking through a back yard. Didn't actually see you go into or out of the house. Young lady, behave yourself and be patient and know that one of the reasons I'm letting you go is because Spike is your friend. Now go on and get out of here before I arrest you." They headed toward the fence when he hollered at them again. "Geesh, come on, use the sidewalk. Quit committing crimes on my patrol."

Spike grabbed Buffy's hand and started to run back to the car. They were both laughing as they turned the corner.

"Oh my God, that was close." Buffy said as they slowed to a walk. "How do you know him?"

"The SPD use the garage I work at to maintenance their cars. I know most of the cops in this town."

"Very impressive. I am honored to be in the presence of someone so established," Buffy joked as she pulled him toward her.

His hands settled on her waist and again wondered why but then didn't care as she pressed her lips to his. 

"Thank you," Buffy said when they broke apart. "For being you and for being my friend."

He sighed as he opened the car door to let her slide in first. The small bag gathered on her lap. He didn't say anything as he took her back to the motel she was staying in but once again she was snuggled against him. And he wasn't going to argue. Wasn't that what friends were for?

TBC


	4. Truth and Consequences

**Chapter 4 – Truth and Consequences**

It was late when Spike pulled up to the motel, cutting the lights again as he pulled into a space outside the room they were staying in. Buffy's head was on his shoulder and he knew she was drifting between sleep and wakefulness. 

"Buffy, we're here, wake up," he whispered as he kissed her gently on the top of her head.

She stirred and stretched beside him as she looked to see where they were.

"Uh-oh, Dawn's at the window and here comes…"

Her mother. The door swung open and Mrs. Summers came rushing out followed by the youngest of the Summers women. Sighing he stepped out of the car and held it open for Buffy to slide out. Her hand touched his arm as she walked around him, settled on his wrist and pulled him with her.

"Bullocks," he muttered as he shut the door.

"Where the hell have you been?" Joyce shouted.

"Mom, please, don't scream out here. You'll wake everyone up."

With Buffy leading, they followed her into the room. Spike looked around at the two double beds and the small kitchenette in the corner. Their things scattered around giving the place an almost homey appearance. And even amongst their combined things, he could smell her. The way the girl smelled, had always smelled, beneath her expensive toiletries and he knew no matter what she thought at the moment, she was still the same Buffy.

The door closed behind Dawn and they faced off. Joyce with Dawn, her arms crossed, at her mother's elbow and Spike stared the young teen down. He won as the littlest one looked away and then with a smirk he turned his gaze to her mother and quickly took a step back. If looks could kill was definitely the phrase to use as she stared at him with murderous intent. 

"Where have you been?"

"We were out and lost track of time. That's all." Buffy defended them and deliberately stepped in front of him.

"And what were you doing to lose track of time?"

"Oh, God, Mom, we weren't doing anything."

He looked anywhere but at Buffy and her mom standing toe to toe, hoping that his face wouldn't give away his guilt as he remembered exactly what they had been doing out there in the woods. And even that small memory made him need to adjust his jeans.

"If you weren't doing anything, then why do you have that huge hickey on your neck?" Dawn gleefully said and pointed to her sister's neck.

"Shit," Buffy muttered as she looked in the mirror and pulled her hair back to reveal the large bruising he had marked her with. "I thought I told you no hickeys."

_He had taken her back to her car, patched up the radiator hose enough for her to get home and then followed to make sure she got there okay. After she pulled into the driveway she had made her way over to him, leaning against the door and smiling in at him. He had breathed in that scent that would forever make him think of sex and returned the smile._

_"So, can I call you?" _

_Not once did he think she would say yes. She had indulged in a fantasy and a little revenge and he would be forgotten._

_"Got paper and a pen."_

_When he handed her the requested items, she scribbled her number down and handed it back to him. _

_"I'm going to cheerleading camp for four weeks and I'm leaving day after tomorrow, so…"_

_"You're going to be gone awhile and can't call you until the end of August, right?"_

_"Yeah, unfortunately." She said and for a moment toyed with the lock before looking back up at him. "I didn't know this was going to happen and I didn't plan it but I want you to know I don't regret it. And I want you to call me. I'll be back the twenty-fifth."_

_He nodded, "Right then, I'll give you a call when you get back." _

_The sarcasm in his voice turned her face to a pout as she backed away but he snatched her hand to keep her from leaving._

_"I'm sorry. You've knocked me for a loop that's all but I don't regret it either and not for the reasons you might think." _

_She nodded, leaned in and kissed him good-night. His hand held her by her hair to keep her from leaving as they played with each other, stoking the flame, between them before the front door of her house opened and she pulled away._

_"I've got to go." And with that she was gone again, leaving him…_

_…_With memories that he still ran through his mind a year later_._

"So, are you still going to tell me nothing happened?" 

"No, Mom, I'm not but…"

Joyce's fury turned to Spike, "Get out of here and stay the hell away from my daughter."

He backed up, ready to leave but Buffy clutched his hand again.

"No, Mom, he's my friend and I'm not giving him up."

Three faces turned to look at Buffy in astonishment. Countless feelings rushed through Spike as she stood up for him and he knew that his love for her was probably evident to everyone in the room but he didn't care. And if she stood up for him then it was only fair that he return the favor forgetting that only a short while ago, he had risked his future to keep her from getting arrested.

"I care about your daughter, Mrs. Summers. Actually, I love her and wouldn't let anything happen to her."

"Like it happened to your mother," Joyce said.

The words hurt more than he thought possible. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought of his Mum who was pregnant with him by the time she was seventeen by a boy who didn't care enough to stick around. Darla had kept him and raised him, bearing the town's scorn and letting it age her faster than was necessary but he knew she didn't regret it. But Mrs. Summers was wrong because birth control was something that he was always careful about. To ensure that he wouldn't become a father too young and he would never risk that fate with any girl. Especially Buffy.

"No, not like my mother," he almost growled. Knowing that he wouldn't be able to change her opinion he turned on his heel and headed for the door but Buffy was still holding his hand. They had touched more tonight than they had in the last year and he laughed as he looked down at their entwined fingers. 

~~~~~~~

Buffy clutched his hand a little tighter to keep him from leaving, at least not until her mother apologized. She was eighteen and had only had sex three times in her life and all with Spike. There was nothing to be ashamed of and if things had only been different they might have been a couple this whole year. She sighed as she thought of lost chances. Their lost chances.

_Maybe if she hadn't gone to camp. Maybe if they hadn't had four weeks to let their insecurities fester and if they had said what they had really been feeling that night then they might have found a way to fight through their differences. By the time she returned however, she had torn it apart and put it back together so many times, the thought of ever facing him again frightened her. Not of him but of her feelings and his feelings and the changes in them. She wished she had told her mother that she wasn't going and they could have had four weeks before school started to cement them together so they could face it with certainty. But there was nothing certain and he didn't call when she got back. She had looked his number up in the book but lost her nerve every time she reached for the phone. _

_Three days after she got back, school started and they didn't have any classes together in the beginning of the year, not even the same lunch period, so she only caught glimpses of him in the halls. She had asked __Willow__, who helped the librarian out, to look up his schedule for her. And with that she tracked him down. Determined to find out why he hadn't called and to settle things for her before she let go of that last thread._

_But it took almost a week before she worked up the nerve and it was a rumor that had angered her enough to finally face him. The rumor that he was dating one of the waitresses at Willy's Bar and Grill. Pride on the line, she had gone to find him during her lunch. He was opening his locker when she pounced, trembling in her indignation, that he had taken her innocence so lightly._

_"Thanks a lot. It really fucking hurt that you didn't call and I've needed to talk to you," and to her undying shame she burst into tears in the hallway._

_His eyes opened wide as he watched her cry.  He cocked his head in that way that was all his own and his cerulean orbs softened with a tinge of fear lurking._

_"You needed to talk to me?"_

_"Yes, I've needed to talk to you and you didn't call and now I find out you're dating someone. You could have at least been polite enough to tell me," she cried._

_"Buffy, are you…?"_

_It was her turn to be surprised as she realized what she had implied to him. A part of her screamed that it served him right but she knew it wasn't nice to let him think that._

_"No, oh, no, I'm not. I'm sorry for giving you that impression. I guess need wasn't the right word." She sniffled._

_She watched as relief flooded his face and with fascination she thought she saw a twinge of regret._

_"Is he bothering you?" Angel said over her shoulder. "Why are you crying?"_

_With annoyance she had looked over her shoulder to find Angel and several of his football player buddies trying to act all manly. Even being bulkier next to Spike they looked like little boys._

_"No, he isn't and none of your business."_

_"Come on with us and we'll fix whatever is wrong." Larry said._

_"No, like I said I'm fine, I'll catch up with you later."_

_"I don't like this," Angel declared visually aiming for a fight._

_"Go on, Angel, you're the one who hurt her not me," Spike said._

_That moved him down the hallway with one last look. But before they could settle anything else Cordelia and Harmony turned down the hallway, eyeing them in fascination._

_"Look, you're right, we do need to talk but it's not going to work here so do you want to meet later."_

_"Yeah, I would."_

Buffy closed her eyes as sadness enveloped her at the time they had wasted and now could never be. Now she would give him as much as she could and that included not letting her mother walk all over him. Not after what he had risked tonight.

"Mom, I'm sorry if I scared you by staying out so late but we had to do something." 

She opened the bag and pulled out Mr. Lido and tossed him to Dawn, then her diary. Her sister squealed as she caught her favorite possessions. 

"Thank you, thank you," Dawn said as she launched herself at Buffy, kissing her on the cheek before turning and hugging Spike. As far as she was concerned Buffy's friend was her new hero and welcome anytime. "Go easy on them." She told her mom before throwing herself on the bed with pen in hand to catch her journal up on everything that had happened in their lives recently.

Spike shook his head with a slight smile on his face as he saw the gratitude that Dawn had displayed. Buffy squeezed his hand and smiled at him when their eyes met. 

"You broke into the house?" Joyce asked.

"Yeah, we did."

"Do you have any idea what could have happened to you if you had been caught?"

"Well, actually, Officer Beckham kind of spelled it out for me."

Joyce rolled her eyes at them. 

"You were arrested?"

"No, because Spike got me out of it. He knows the cops in this town. Handy, huh?"

Buffy's eyes got bigger as her mother stepped closer to her.

"Do not be smart with me, young lady. What you did was incredibly stupid. Was this his idea?"

"No, it was mine and his name is Spike. I guess I'm just like my Dad, huh? Stupid and a criminal." 

Her voice broke over the last words. She tried to blink away the tears and instinctively she turned to Spike, who cradled her against him. 

Buffy felt her mother's hand run through her hair before she patted Buffy on the back.

"I'm sorry, Buffy, I was scared. Don't think I could lose you too." She sighed and looked up at Spike. "Thank you for taking care of my little girl."

"No problem. I'll be getting out here. Let you two talk." He slipped away from Buffy but she followed him out the door.

They were at an impasse again as they stared at each other and tried to decide what to do from here. He stepped closer to her, looking down at her for a moment to give her a chance to get away, before pressing his lips to her again. She leaned into him, giving him this one last moment before breaking his heart again.

_They had met up at Whistler's Dock knowing that no one would be there and they could talk without being disturbed. She had dressed in clothes that screamed don't touch me; jeans, sneakers and a bulky turtleneck. He chuckled when she had walked down to join him and she hadn't said anything, just sat beside him. _

_"What did you want to talk about?" He asked._

_"Are you dating that waitress?"_

_"No, she's a friend. Nothing more. Never has been and never will be more."_

_This time Buffy laughed as he over explained his relationship with the woman. She hung her head and plucked at the hem of her jeans. Confusion as to what do dominated her head and her heart. Both telling her different things and she didn't know what to follow._

_"Why didn't you call?"_

_"Was out of town. My uncle somebody or other died while you were gone and I took my Mum to the funeral."_

_She nodded as she turned to look at him. There was no lies hidden in his eyes and she wanted to launch herself at him, beg him to hold her forever._

_"There weren't any messages from you saying you were back, so I figured you had changed your mind," he added when she returned her attention to her hem._

_"I got scared."_

_"Chickenshit." _

_They both laughed as it broke some of the tension between them. _

_"I don't want to give up cheerleading and stuff."_

_"I didn't ask you to."_

_"I know…but I wanted you to know."_

_They remained silent for a minute._

_"I guess I wouldn't exactly fit in with the social club you hang out with. And before you protest, I really don't want to hang out with them either."_

_"Don't really blame you there. They can be pretty oppressive sometimes but they come with the cheerleading and school government package."_

_"Well, I guess that's that." Spike said as he reached for his pack of cigarettes._

_"I don't want to lose you," she said so quietly that he almost didn't hear her._

_"We can be friends." He reached out and tugged her hair._

_"Liar." _

_"No, seriously," he laughed. "We just won't tell anyone. Like tonight. Hang out, have fun." It was going to break his heart but he wanted even the crumbs she might toss him._

_Buffy looked up at him, her eyes filled with tears, and wished that he would tell her it didn't matter that they would find a way but he didn't. So, she took what he did offer. And they hadn't touched again until almost a year later._

She was drowning in his kiss and she pressed herself against him, rubbing against his erection and wished that they could crawl into the back seat again. Panting they broke apart when they realized that her mother was only on the other side of the door they were practically leaning on. His forehead rested against hers.

"Buffy, you're going to drive me crazy," he whispered. His breath softly covering her lips and she breathed him in.

Her hands kneaded at his waist.

"Spike, don't."

And he froze, pulled away from her, the pain shining in his eyes again. 

"Don't what? Care?"

"Care yes, don't love me."

"Too late for that, Pet. What was with all the snuggling and the touching tonight then? Back to using me again?"

This time he pissed her off. 

"No, you said your choice. I told you before we did anything that I couldn't be with you. You said you knew and you wanted to anyway. Don't lay the blame on my door. You weren't exactly pulling away."

"Forget it." 

Spike turned and headed for his car.

"Spike, I'm sorry. I wish things could be different."

He didn't look at her as he slipped behind the wheel of the Desoto. Finally he sighed and motioned her over. He reached for her hand, pulled her down to him, and kissed her softly on the lips.

"I know."

Buffy nodded and watched as he left her again. And like the first night she had watched him drive away from her, she cried herself to sleep.

TBC 


	5. Give Me a Break

**Chapter 5 – Give Me a Break**

They were standing at the counter like a pack of wild dogs. Their comments were loud and Spike couldn't see who they were ridiculing but he knew. It was Buffy. And since she was working there was no way she could defend herself. 

"What happened to the Obsession perfume, you kind of smell like," Larry stopped and loudly sniffed the air, "hamburgers and, yeah, grease, definite eau de lard."

Spike sidled up behind them as they laughed raucously at their own jokes.

"Hey, are you guys going to move it along or play all day? Cuz some of us would like for you to get out of the way."

"Look, punk," Percy turned to him.

"Don't even start," Spike said his eyes glittering in anger, as he stepped closer. "You wouldn't want that pretty face messed up for prom. Your girlfriend might be upset if the pictures didn't look good."

The boys gave Spike a once over grabbed their tray and went to take a seat. Spike went up to the counter expecting Buffy to be appreciative but she seemed angry.

"Welcome to the Doublemeat. How may I help you?"

"Buffy, come on, don't be like that. I was just trying to help."

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath and he could see the pain she was pushing away.

"Please don't make this any harder for me."

He nodded and placed his orders; one for him and one for his boss. When the transaction was done and she placed his bags on the counter, Buffy gave him a weak smile.

"Hey, what time is your break?"

"Seven."

"Okay, if I stop by."

"Yeah, that would be nice."

With a lighter heart he turned and headed back to work. Yeah, this day wasn't going to be so bad after all. Not when he could look forward to spending time with Buffy.

~~~~~~~~

It was almost seven and Spike figured it would be best if he avoided going into the restaurant itself and instead went along the side to wait for her. As he passed the window, her eyes met his as she pulled her hat off and ran her hand through her hair. Even this way she was beautiful to him but he knew that she was embarrassed that she had come to this. That she was now on his level and he looked away before heading for the back lot.

She was there in just the few moments that it took for her to clock out. Slipping out the back door, she looked around and came over to him. He took a last drag of his cigarette before tossing it aside and when she was standing in front of him, he ran his fingers softly down her cheek. Buffy stepped back out of his reach.

"Don't, I smell funny," she whispered.

Laughing he pulled her against him and nuzzled her neck.

"You just smell good enough to eat that's all."

And when she giggled, he squeezed her tighter but then as he started to let her go, her arms slid around him and she buried her face against him. Spike wasn't sure how it started, their embrace was innocent enough, just comfort between friends and he had figured that one night was all there was going to be but something ignited between them. Buffy ended up between him and the wall as their kisses got deeper and feral. It was her tongue in his mouth, swirling and teasing his, sucking the flesh like a newborn to its mother's teat. She clung to the lapels of his duster holding it around them as his hands slid over her body.

He kept waiting for her to stop him but she didn't and his hand moved under her uniform, down to cup her bottom to bring her against him. It was a wild fire that was burning them and he kept thinking they were going to go up in flames. She was like nothing he had ever felt before and he wanted to let her burn him so deep that it purified him. The kiss was broken because they were both panting too much to be able to keep kissing without suffocating. She turned her head to the side inviting without words for him to rain kisses on her throat. The primal male in him took over as he sucked on the bruise that he had marked her with and he knew he was giving her pain with the pleasure but it only seemed to push her over the edge. She reached between them to undo his belt buckle and it was time to make a decision. 

"Fuck, Baby, are you sure?" He asked as he rested his forehead against hers.

Before she had a chance to answer the back door opened and they broke apart as her manager hollered that he needed her back in. 

"I'll be right there," Buffy replied. She looked up at him, her eyes bright against the paleness of her skin, and he could see the confusion in their depths.  "Sorry, I kind of forgot where we were."

"It's okay. Do you want me to pick you up after work?"

Buffy nodded before she hurried back in, leaving him to watch her go. He didn't delude himself as to why she was clinging to him. She needed someway to hide from the hell her life had become and she was losing herself in him. 

_Spike had been studiously studying the back of Cordelia's head in Algebra class when they had paged him to the Guidance Office and he had hurled out an expletive that made the class laugh and his teacher frown at him. He just smiled his cocky smile at her and shrugged his shoulders as he headed out._

_"Mrs. Lawrence sent for me," he told the secretary when he got there and was immediately sent back to her office._

_"William, come in, come in, take a seat," Mrs. Lawrence gushed as she ushered him into her office and closed the door behind him._

_"What did I allegedly do this time?" He joked because he was always being called down there and usually it wasn't even him that had been involved. He was only pulled in by reputation._

_"Well, actually," she said as she took a seat behind her desk. "Buffy Summers helps me out in third period and she told me that you wanted to go to college."_

_"She was mistaken."_

_Anger surged through Spike at her invasion into his life as he stood._

_"It's possible if you want. I already put a package together for you. The forms you need to fill out for scholarships. And, oh yes, the SAT is this coming Saturday. Deadline is already over but I can pull some strings."_

_He sat back down and looked at her in befuddlement. It had been an offhand comment in a conversation that he had thought about college and his Mum would be thrilled if he'd go but he didn't think it was possible. Kids like him didn't go to college that was reserved for the other crowds in school, not the outcasts._

_"You serious?"___

_"Of course, you're grades are good enough. I'll be honest though, you are going to have to work at it because you're behind but yes, William, it is possible if you want it bad enough."_

_"Can I look this stuff over and get back to you tomorrow?"_

_"Certainly and catch up with Buffy. She said she'd help you study for the SAT."_

_"Thanks," Spike stood and took the package with him. He was determined to find Buffy and figure out what was going on._

~~~~~~~~

It was almost midnight before she got off work and Spike knew his Mum was going to kill him by the time he got home because they had school in the morning. He watched her as she straggled toward him, her shoulders slumped and a vacant expression on her face. She slid into the car and huddled against the door looking almost broken as she leaned her face against the window.

"Buffy?"

"Thanks, for picking me up but you shouldn't have waited. It seems I don't know how to clean right." 

There were no tears and no emotions in her words, just a bare explanation of what had held her up. Leaving her alone he started the car to head the three blocks to the motel. He wasn't sure what he had been hoping for when he picked her up. Maybe a continuation of what they had started a few hours earlier and he wondered why he was. She looked like hell and he knew from her words that she felt like that too. And despite what he said earlier she did smell of grease and sweat but underneath all that she still had a dignity and strength to her. But he knew even if he still saw it, she didn't, and he reached for her hand to give it a squeeze.

"Pull over somewhere," she whispered.

Buffy wasn't even looking at him as she said the words so he didn't say or do anything else, just pulled the car into a side alley. After turning the car off he waited. It was her show.

"I'm sorry about earlier. It's like you touch me and I forget everything else, even where we are."

"I know the feeling."

This time they glanced at each other and smiled. It was the smile of two people who know everything about each other but yet are still afraid to open their hearts. Spike wanted to give her so much, to take care of her, and if he had to her mother and sister but yet knew that she wouldn't take it. Her next words surprised him.

"Make it go away," she pleaded. "Just for a little while."

_They had arranged to meet at the town library that evening. He had caught up with her after school but she was on the way to cheerleading practice and couldn't talk. When he had said he didn't get off work till six, she had hesitated then agreed to meet at __6:30__. So, now he was waiting for her to show and he saw her as soon as she came through the door. She was all bubbly and cute in her work out gear, her hair in braids across her shoulders and a big smile across her face as she came toward him. It was times like this that he didn't like her. This was pure Buffy, one of the privileged few who never had to fear being ridiculed because everyone wanted to be like them. He glanced down at his nails with the grease under them and the burn on his forearm where he had stuck it against a hot motor and wanted to leave._

_"Hey, Spike, what's up?" She gushed as she made herself comfortable across from him. "I am so glad that you decided to do this. It is going to be so great."_

_"What made me your pet project? Decided to help the unfortunate," he snarled. He was feeling awkward sitting here with her. In his own world, he felt in control and like he was something, but here he didn't fit in. "Do you earn extra brownie points for this?"_

_They stared each other down across the table and he had to admire the sparks flying from hers. _

_"No, I don't actually. You said this was something you wanted. And it's going to be a hell of a lot of work for you to get it. I'm willing to help you but it doesn't do a damn thing for me. So, do I stay or leave?"_

_He did want it. When he had touched base with his Mum and told her, she had been excited and if nothing else he didn't want to disappoint her. He sighed as he accepted the fact that the two most important women in his life believed in him for some reason._

_"Stay."_

_As he walked her to her car after they had closed the library down, they had run into Cordelia and Harmony in the parking lot._

_"Hey, Buffy, what are you doing here?" Cordy asked._

_"Studying," Buffy replied as she put her head down and started to pick up speed._

_"I thought you had the initial Yearbook staff meeting tonight? Did you decide not to join because you know if you didn't go tonight then you can't be on it?"_

_Spike stopped as Cordelia's question sunk in and he turned in disbelief to Buffy._

_"Yep, that's true.. Look, I'm tired and I'll talk to you tomorrow."_

_He waited until the other girls were gone before he grabbed Buffy's arm and turned her to look at him._

_"You did that for me?"_

"_Yeah I did."_

Sacrifices were what you did for friends. She had made a sacrifice for him, giving up part of the identity she had cultivated through her school years and she did it without hesitation because she wanted to offer him a lifeline. A light at the end of the tunnel that he could cling to, so that he had a reason to hope that one day he would get out of this town and be somebody. 

And now he did the same for her. He knew it had nothing to do with love but yet everything to do with love. His love for her. If she needed moments that she could just lose herself in so that she could deal with everything else in her life then he would give them gladly.  

He scooted across the seat and took her into his arms. She came willingly to him, taking his love and strength into her, as she became what he needed. There was no question of holding back as she gave herself to him, taking him higher than he had ever been before. When he pulled her across his lap, she hesitated then tried to pull him down onto the seat again he laughingly asked her why.

"I don't know what to do like that." 

Scooting away from him she pulled his duster around her since her pants and underwear were somewhere on the floor. 

"You've never been on top before?" He asked incredulously.

When she looked up at him, confusion and pain in those emerald depths, he felt a sense of awe move through him, even as she snapped in anger.

"Have I ever been on top with you? Then no I've never been on top before."

"Buffy, I didn't know. I…it was too much to think that…"

"That what? That I'm not a slut."

She started to reach for her clothes when he pulled her against him. 

"Don't, please, stay with me. I never thought that of you. Never."

Cuddling her close to him, he whispered in her ear as his fingers ran through her hair. Maybe if he hoped really hard than she might come to love him. And he was going to do everything that he could while he had a chance to make it happen. She had to care about him if he was the only she had ever let love her and he would find a way to convince her that they belonged together before Graduation.

TBC


	6. Sweet Umbrage

**Chapter 6 – Sweet Umbrage**

It was Friday night and it was one of the best nights of Spike's life, following one of the best weeks of his life. And it was all because of Buffy Summers. Since the night he had picked her up from her job they had practically been inseparable. He was giving her rides to school and then back in the afternoons or straight to her job. And every free moment they had from school and work they were together. Sometimes they were studying for the finals coming up, or playing board games with Dawn, or his favorite, the afternoon that neither of them had to work but his Mum did, and they ended up spending it in his bed. 

Once he had found out that he had been her only lover, he had become possessive and for some reason she was letting him. But it was only allowed if it was done by deed and not by words. Any attempt he had made at declaring his love or putting an agreement on their relationship was quickly met with disapproval and she seemed to slip away from him. So, he kept his mouth shut for now and just tried to enjoy what she was giving him. It had to be leading them to the obvious conclusion. Hence her not minding everyone at school seeing them together, or when he took or picked her up from work and if nothing else then her acceptance to have dinner with him at a popular steak house in town where they knew half the patrons and staff. He had been terrified when he had asked her last night but she had agreed easily. 

So, now he sat with her mother and sister making small talk while she got ready to go out with him. She had been late coming home from work because they had a rush at the last minute and she had to stay and help out. As Dawn gave a monologue on her friends, he tried to pay attention but his mind kept drifting.

_He was elbow deep into the car when he had heard someone drive around the back of the trailer and he peeked out from under the hood. It was Buffy stepping out of her little convertible looking totally feminine in a long pink skirt and a sweater that was only a little darker. Her hair was curled and pulled back with barrettes and he wondered what it was with her and pink. Rolling his eyes he returned to his task, knowing that she would bounce his way when she was ready. Every once in a while she would come out to visit on the weekends and either drag him down to the dock or sit on the picnic table and watch him work on the car, which she was doing now. _

_"I'm bored," she announced after taking a long drink from the Big Gulp cup she had brought with her. "Everything is the same and everybody is doing it." _

_"Sorry, Pet, that the royal kingdom is not doing your bidding by coming up with something original for you to do."_

_"Hardy har har."_

_When he glanced out at her she had her nose wrinkled and he couldn't help himself. If she was hanging out with him for a thrill then she might as well get the full effect._

_"The bag beside you, bring it here, please."_

_Buffy turned to find it and looked it over carefully to make sure that it didn't have grease on it, then picked it between forefinger and thumb and stepped carefully toward him. _

_"Here," she said holding it out to him._

_"Take out one of the plugs and hand it here."_

_He watched from the corner of his eye as she sighed and pulled one of the little boxes out. She carefully inspected the contents before handing it to him._

_"What is that thing?"_

_"It's a spark plug. And before you ask, I'm giving the car a tune up."_

_"Oh."_

_Grinning mischievously at her he asked, "Why don't you help out and kill some of your boredom?"_

_"No, I don't think so."_

_"You could borrow some of my clothes so you wouldn't ruin the royal wardrobe."_

_Without thinking she had swatted him on the shoulder as they both laughed. When she saw the grease on her fingers she had appropriately, 'eewed' and went in the trailer to wash her hands. His Mum was used to Buffy hanging around and had never said anything to him about it; he had yet to meet her parents, officially anyway, and figured he never would. _

_It was as she was coming toward him again that he got the idea and keeping his eyes on the engine, he had asked her._

_"So, if you're bored, why don't you come out with me tonight?"_

_She had remained silent for a minute until he had added as friends._

_"We'll go someplace that no one will know who we are and we can just have some fun. Play some pool and darts."_

_"I have a date," she told him quietly._

_Remaining nonchalant he had shrugged his shoulders._

_"Give me a drink, woman, you keep sipping on that thing and haven't offered once."_

_Relief that he wasn't going to push it seemed to flood through her as she held the drink out for him and watched as he sucked on the straw. He returned his attention to the car after he was done and ignored her for awhile._

_"Yeah, I just need to break the date. It was just a gang of us going to the movies anyway." She said after looking contemplative for a moment. "What time and where?"_

They slid across from each other into the booth as they tried to ignore the looks from people that they knew. Neither of them spoke as they perused the menus but kept glancing at each other over the top. 

"So, what are you getting?" Buffy asked trying to appear casual.

"The most expensive thing on the menu," he said. She looked up at him with a slight flush on her face and he smiled. "Get what you want, Luv, I can afford it."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to be…"

"Condescending? Have I ever let you down before?"

Buffy shook her head and smiled at him. With a quick glance around he reached across the table and squeezed her hand hoping she wouldn't snatch it away. She didn't and until the waitress returned with their drinks and a basket of rolls their fingers stayed entwined. They placed their orders and Spike was satisfied when she ordered a decent sized meal. Usually when they went out it didn't include meals and he won the argument of who paid for the drinks and snacks they did get. But then she'd return the favor with a small present or something for his car that she knew he needed or wanted.

"Are you ready for the Algebra exam next week?"

"Yeah, should be. Been kissing Mrs. Taylor's butt all semester and she's been giving me some extra help. She liiiiikes me." He grinned at her with an evil twist to his lips and she chuckled at his mood.

"Good, then you can help me." Buffy hesitated. "With everything going on I haven't been able to concentrate too well."

"No problem. Be glad to be on the helping end for a change." 

They continued to talk about school and work and everything but the future as they ate or rather he ate and she played with her main course. She had eaten a couple of rolls and the salad but now that dinner was there she wasn't eating.

"Full?"

With her eyes on the table she told him she was but then it clicked. When she had come home from work she had brought a meal from work to give to Dawn and he had a feeling that was where the dinner before her was going to go too. Buffy had been losing weight, her already petite body was getting smaller every time he held her and her jeans tonight were almost too loose on her. Her small family was surviving on what Buffy made which couldn't be much and he looked around to find the waitress. When she came in response to his signal, he ordered two more of the meals that Buffy had picked out.

"Who are those for?"

"For your sister and Mum. If I hadn't wanted to be alone with you so much I would have invited them along."

"You didn't have to do that." She told him indignantly. "We are doing fine."

"I know you are but I'm just trying to be nice not condescending."

Relief surged through him as she chuckled. 

"Okay, okay, I give up," she said as she returned her attention to her dinner and ended up finishing it completely as well as the dessert she ordered.

_They had agreed to meet at the movie theater and ride in his car since they would be going out of Sunnydale for their first excursion. Spike pulled into the back row of the lot slowly looking for her car and came to a stop behind it when he spotted it. Buffy slipped out of her car and made her way toward him. His heart stopped beating for a second when he first saw her. Gone was the cotton candy girl, replaced by a beautiful, confidant woman.  Her black leather pants clung to her hips and a tight red lace crop top with long sleeves curved along the swell of her breasts. Her make up was darker than he had ever seen it and he could almost feel the drool accumulating in his mouth._

_She slipped into his car like she did it all the time and gave him a huge smile from those lips painted red and he forgot how to talk. But then she giggled like the Buffy he knew and he relaxed. The ride out to the little bar he had found one night when he was carousing was alternately uncomfortable and easy between them. When they found a topic of conversation that was familiar to them it was easy and when they thought about the fact that this was the first time they were teetering on the borderline of their friendship they became nervous. Her eyes opened wide when he stopped outside the place and looked at him like he was crazy for bringing her there and he had laughed._

_"You won't be bored. I promise." Spike told her as he held the door open for her._

_Taking her hand he led her into the bar and within a few minutes they were setting up a game of pool and she was batting her eyes saying she didn't know how to play but she ended up beating him three games to two._

_"Never played before? You lie," he teased her as she did this strange little victory dance. "Not bored are you, Pet?"_

_"Nope and gonna stay that way." Buffy sidled up to him and grabbed his hands. She started to pull him toward the dance floor._

_"No, I don't dance."_

_"You do now." She was using her weight to try to move him but he wasn't budging. Spike didn't dance. That is until she stepped really close to him and looked up into his eyes and her lower lip quivered. "Please, dance with me. You don't want me to get bored do you?"_

_Rolling his eyes, Spike followed Buffy onto the small floor. She started to dance to the music but he just stood there and watched her for a second as he was mesmerized with her movements. Slowly with her encouragement he started to dance with her. She didn't laugh at him but started to show him moves and when she ended up in his arms during a slow song he knew he was in love with her. _

The hotel room door slammed shut as Spike leaned against the car. Buffy had taken the take out boxes into her Mum and sister while he waited for her. Absently he patted his pockets with the prom tickets in it and tried to quell the butterflies in his stomach. Since the night he had first danced with her he had dreamed of taking her to prom but he had never thought it would be reality. After the last week they had shared it had to mean she cared. Buffy couldn't be sharing such intimacy with him and have it not mean anything was what he kept telling himself.

At the sound of the door opening he looked up and watched Buffy return to him. She wrapped her arms around him and tilted her head back for a kiss. Smiling with his hands on her hips he gave her what she was seeking, allowing it to deepen for a few moments but pulled back before it became too heated.

"Mmmm, thank you, for everything. I had a good time." Buffy whispered.

"Me too," he said as he kissed her forehead. "I want to ask you something."

"Yeah?" She smiled up at him and wiggled a little closer. 

"Would you go to prom with me?" 

"What?"

"Would you go to prom with me?" He repeated with a smile as he tried to deny the coldness in her eyes. Spike tried to pull her closer but she stepped away from him.

"I can't go to prom."

"Why not?"  A nervous laugh filled the silence as she stared in disbelief at him and for the first time Spike wondered if he had made a mistake.

"Because I can't," Buffy said as her arms crossed in front of her. "I don't have anything to wear much less the money to buy anything with. Besides I'll probably have to work because everyone with seniority will have already requested it off."

His dream was slipping away from him and Spike took a step closer to her in an attempt to hold her but once again she danced off to the side. "If you want to go, we'll find a way." He hated the desperation in his voice. Not once had he begged anyone for anything but for her he would crawl on his knees.

"Are you not listening to me? No."

"Is it because you don't want to go with me?" Spike asked. "Or what?"

"You? Why would you think that? Does it always have to come back to your insecurities?"

"Oh, come on, like you would ever plan on going to the prom much less anywhere with me that someone might see us? Gee, why should I be insecure?" 

Spike clutched onto the small bit of anger that he could find, anything not to appear to be the loser he was sounding like. He closed his eyes for a moment and rolled his shoulders trying to regain some of his dignity.

"Spike, please don't do this." 

"Don't what? Did you really think I'd let the biggest night of senior year just go by for you? I didn't think you'd be this upset about going with me. We've spent the last week together…dating."

Finally he put the word out there between them and wished he hadn't as her eyes opened wide and the color seemed to fade from her cheeks.

"Dating? No…no, this hasn't been dating."

"Well, what do you call it?" This time he stepped closer, resting his hands on her hips, and drew her against him. "We're together all the time." He kissed her cheek. "Making love. And if we're not dating then what do you call tonight?"

Buffy seemed to be fighting herself as she seemed to be relaxing in his arms but her eyes were wide and frantic as her fingers kneaded his arms.

"Spike, I thought you understood. This isn't dating. No, it's not dating. We're just…just."

"Just what, Baby? I love you and I thought you understand that. I thought that you were finally ready to step off your pedestal and let me love you. To give me a chance."

A tear slipped down her cheek as she looked up at him so sadly that it made his heart feel like it was going to shatter.

"And you're leaving," Buffy whispered as she stepped out of his arms again.

"We can work it out," he pleaded. "LA is only a couple of hours away. I can come up on weekends and you can visit on your days off. It might be hard but we can do it. We can be together like we've been in the last week."

She shook her head as she tried to swallow back a sob. Tears were streaming down her face as she looked up at him.

"No, we can't. I'm sorry if you misunderstood but you've built this huge fantasy on nothing more than… It was a good time. And that's all it was."

"No, it wasn't. I know you love me. When we're together, I can feel it. In the way you touch me and the way you kiss me."

Her hands frantically wiped the tears from her face as anger and frustration took their place and he knew he was losing.

"For the last time. No."

"Just give me one good reason, why not?"

His voice cracked as he asked. It was over and he knew he was just making the wounds between them bloodier but he wanted to know. Wanted to know why his whole world was crashing down around him. This was supposed to be the night. This was the night when she would step into his arms and life and promise forever but she wasn't. She was running and he wanted to hold onto her as long as possible.

"You wanna know why not? Because if we tried to make this work, I'd end up hating you. You're going off to college while I'm scraping grease off a fucking grill. I worked and sacrificed for you to go to college, well, the big joke was on me because I don't get to go with you."

"For now but you'll find a way. I now you will, Buffy. If you believed enough for me then you should believe enough for you and if you don't then I will."

Suddenly she shoved him away from her, the pain surging through her giving her enough strength to almost knock him off his feet.

"I don't believe in anything anymore. That's why I've been fucking you all week. To get what I can while I can. It doesn't mean anything because there isn't a damn thing in this world that means anything to me any more. I'm angry that you're going off to a whole new life while I'm stuck here. I hate who I've become. You're going to hate who I've become especially after you get a taste of life away from here. I'd be an embarrassment to you around the new friends you're going to make. And most of all I hate my father for doing this to me."

"Don't, please, I'd never hate you."

"Go away, Spike, its over. Go take your opportunities and have a good life. I can't deal with you anymore. Don't talk to me or call me. Just stay away from me."

She turned and walked out of his life. 

"Please don't do this," he begged as she gave him one last look before closing the door. Spike slid along the side of the car until he was sitting on the pavement and the sobs overtook him. He didn't care anymore because his world had just been taken away from him.

TBC

  
  



	7. Define Me

**Chapter 7 – Define Me**

Running his hand through his hair in frustration, Spike sighed and tossed his pencil down. He had been trying to finish the practice exam for Algebra for the past hour but a pair of green eyes kept dancing between him and the paper. Another week gone and he had nothing more to show for it. Anxiety turned his stomach as he thought of yesterday afternoon when he was leaving school and saw Buffy watching him. He knew she wanted to say something but after her not saying anything all week he had ignored her. Then, when he was leaving school she had been on her way into the parking lot but he had driven off. Pride and anger won over the voice screaming in him to let her speak and now he'd never know if she was looking for him or not.

"You okay, Baby?" His mum asked over her shoulder as she rinsed the breakfast dishes.

"Yeah, bad week."

"I know. It'll be over soon though. And then you'll have your whole life ahead of you."

"I just want her."

Darla turned the faucet off and sat across from him at the table. She squeezed his hand and gave him the patented 'mother cares' look.

"And you need to keep your mind on school work. She'll never come back if you throw away everything she's worked for."

"Her? What about me? I'm the one…" Spike stopped as he realized his mother was grinning. He laughed along with her. "Funny, Mum, real funny. I get the point. Back to work."

Spike picked up his pencil, prepared to return to his studying, when the sound of a car coming up the drive made them both look out the window. A little blue Toyota stopped outside the trailer and he recognized it from the garage he worked. He had told Buffy to see about making a deal with his boss for it. It ran but wasn't anything special and Eddie would give it to them on time payments. He couldn't contain the hope that flooded him at the thought that Buffy had come for him. Maybe she actually did care. But everything was dashed when Joyce Summers stepped out of the car and Spike felt the tears of disappointment sting his eyes.

"What is she doing here?" Darla asked, turning to look at her son.

"I don't know. I'll see."

Spike opened the door to find Joyce with her hand ready to knock.

"Hi, Spike. I was wondering if we could talk."

"Sure," Spike replied, wavering whether to take her inside or lead the way to the picnic table for privacy. The table won as he came down the steps and with his hand on the small of her back he turned Buffy's mother in its direction. They both chose to sit on the top, beside each other, with their feet on the seat. He waited for her to start the conversation since she seemed to be working up to something.

"Thanks for the dinner. It was a really sweet gesture and we appreciated it."

As if she could hear their conversation, Darla chose at that moment to come outside carrying a brown paper bag. She handed it to Joyce with a smile.

"I grow vegetables in the back. And we really have too much. Spike isn't too into salads and vegetables. There are cucumbers, tomatoes and some carrots and green beans in there."

"Thanks, Darla, I appreciate it. The girls will be excited to get veggies again. I was just getting ready to tell your son that they are excited to get anything besides spaghetti and macaroni and cheese these days."

Spike was stunned when the two hugged and his Mum made Joyce promise if she needed anything to give her a call. He waited until Darla had returned to the house to turn to Buffy's mother.

"You're Aunt Barbara and I was in the same class and I remember you're mother from when we were all in school. Darla is a very strong woman."

A smile crossed his face as he realized that Joyce was being sincere. The two women were totally different but it was cool to him that they had a combined history that kind of made them the same in spite of where they ended up in life.

"Yeah, she's a special lady. Means a lot to me."

"There's one time that I remember that made me really respect her."

His eyebrows furrowing together he turned to look at her.

"It was that time when you went to the emergency room when you hurt your back. I was in the cubicle next to yours with Dawn."

_It was two weeks after his thirteenth birthday and the blood had been dripping down his back as he shivered in the cold hospital. An ice pack was pressed to his bruised face as he waited for his Mum to get there. The nurse was cleaning him up while his Mum's boyfriend, Mr. Snyder,  watched and kept giving him warning looks that Spike had better stick to the story that he had concocted on the drive to the hospital._

_"Spike, what happened?" Darla asked as she came toward him. "Are you okay?"_

_"Yeah, Mum, I'll be okay. I've got to get stitches in my back though."_

_Her eyes had widened as she looked him over and her hand trembled in his._

_"How did this happen? It looks really bad." She asked him again as she stood directly in front of him. From where she was he couldn't see Mr. Snyder._

_"It was nothing. I slipped, hit my face on the table and then fell against the window." _

_He couldn't look at her as he lied and stared somewhere on the floor but she had known in that mother way of hers._

_"Spike, tell me the truth. You couldn't hit the table then fall against the window. The table is too low and the window too high."_

_To his ever undying shame he had started crying. His face and the cut on his back hurt and no one had ever treated him like her boyfriend had and he wanted to tell the truth but he was afraid that she wouldn't believe him. _

_"Spike, talk to me now." _

_Her hand had been gentle and firm as it pulled his chin up so he would have to look at her and he gave up and blubbered out the truth._

_"He told me to do something and I told him I didn't have to and to fuck off. He hit me and I tried to back away, and he told me that I was a little asshole before he pushed me. And that's when I went through the window."_

_"Hey, that kid is lying. He's a juvenile delinquent that needs to be locked up." Mr. Snyder said._

_Spike had watched in fascination as his Mum had advanced on her boyfriend, her body trembling in anger. He watched as she walked over to Snyder, pulled her hand back and slapped the jerk; even the nurse jumped in surprise before running to get security._

_"Nobody touches my kid," Darla screamed. "You son of a bitch. What gave you the idea that you could hurt him and get away with it?"_

_Mr. Snyder kept backing up the hallway as Darla had continued to read him the riot act and it had taken security to get her to back off.  After he left she burst into tears of guilt for letting the creep anywhere near him._

_"I'm sorry, Baby, I didn't know. He's a fucking principal. I thought I was getting in with someone classy and instead, I'm so sorry."_

That moment in his life had shown Spike that his mother really did love him and he wasn't just a mistake she had to put up with. He swore that he would never let her down and had started to straighten up his act by helping out more and doing better in school. 

"She's a lot stronger than I was. I let my girls down by staying with their Dad even though I knew he was cheating," Joyce said and chuckled. "Not only on the government but on me."

"You did the best you could," Spike reassured her. It was a little uncomfortable for Buffy's Mum to be talking to him like this but he figured there was a reason and eventually she would get around to it. And he almost laughed at her next words. It was like she could read his mind.

"I guess you're wondering why I'm here." Joyce turned to him. Her eyes studied him for a moment before she sighed and looked away again. "Do you love my daughter?"

"Yeah, I do," he said. No matter what Buffy did or what she said, he still loved her and always would. "It took me awhile to realize it but, yeah, I have ever since the night I…"

"Took her virginity?"

Spike turned to her in amazement as he felt a flush creep over his face. This was just a little more than he wanted even to discuss with Buffy much less her mother.

"Yeah, guess you two have been talking?"

"It was kind of hard not to when she's been crying herself to sleep every night. Not that I blame you," she hastily added before continuing. "At first I thought it was just everything and I knew I hadn't seen you around much lately and I finally bugged her until she told me. We talked for a long time and she pretty much told me everything. After she went to sleep, I ended up staying up and thinking. It's time I took control again and quit letting my daughter take everything on her shoulders."

"Is Buffy okay?"

Spike watched as she nodded in response then twisted her wedding band and engagement ring around her finger before slipping them off. 

"I'm going to sell them this morning. I slipped them in my pocket when the IRS invaded our home and now I'm glad that I did because it's going to set us up in our new life."

"New life?"

"Yep, I'm going to buy bus tickets to Portland. I talked to my mother this morning and surprisingly she was very nice about it. Didn't even say 'I told you so' once."

As she chuckled again, fear seized Spike's heart as he thought of Buffy so far away from him. Joyce laid a hand on his arm and squeezed.

"Don't panic yet. I guess that's why I came out here. Neither of my girls knows anything about this and what I tell them I guess depends on you. Am I going to leave Buffy here with you or am I taking her with me?"

"She doesn't want anything to do with me. Made that plain enough last week." He said as he hung his head and stared at his hands draped over his knees. 

"Answer me something. Honestly. If she told you that she loved you would you have gone off and left her or stayed here and helped her out?"

It was the same question that his Mum had asked him when he had told her what happened. And the same question he had been asking himself all week. Buffy was right and so were they. If she had told him then he wouldn't have left. He would have taken a full time job at the garage and stayed to help support her and her family. It would have been the honorable thing to do.

"Stayed."

"And that's why she never said it."

All Spike could do was nod as hope begin to grow that maybe Buffy really did love him and somehow her mother was going to help them be together.

"She put a dress on layaway for the prom before everything happened and I'm going to go and pick it up today."

"Who is she going with?"

Maybe that was one of the reasons she had turned him down when he had asked her. She had already made a date with someone else. It was typical. She always was the social butterfly. Although it would kill him to think about her being with someone else he hoped she had a good time.

"You, I hope. She bought the dress with you in mind because she was planning on asking you."

His eyes flew open in surprise and he turned to Joyce, only to be greeted by her gentle smile. 

"So, if I get her there, will you be waiting for her?" Joyce asked. "I already called her work and told them she wasn't going to be in. I'm going to get the dress and all I need to know is if you are willing to give her one last chance."

Spike stared at Joyce trying to absorb everything she had told him. He opened his mouth to speak, the answer already decided, but he couldn't get the words past the lump in his throat. There wasn't any hesitation on his part but he had to let Joyce know that. Clearing his throat, Spike forced back the tears that threatened to spill and answered her question.

"Yeah," he said, his lips twisting into a smile. "I'll be there."

~~~~~~~

The motel shower was absolutely horrible. Depending on what the people next door were doing, the water alternated between scalding hot or freezing cold. Buffy rushed through the necessary washing, missing the times when she used to love to take her time luxuriating under steamy water that was the perfect temperature. With a sigh she turned the water off, stepped from the stall, wrapping the towel around her middle and that's when she noticed that her uniform wasn't hanging on the door any longer. Opening the door a crack she looked out at her mother.

"Hey, where's my uniform?"

"You won't need it tonight." 

Dawn's giggling told Buffy that something was up; her mother's too innocent look was the final indicator. Sighing she stepped out into the main room and froze as she saw it. Her dream spread out on the bed of this crappy hotel room, it was too much and she burst into tears. Every day without him was killing her. After being so close to him it was like a part of her was missing.

"Honey, don't cry. It's for you. So, you can go to the prom tonight."

"I don't want to go."

Buffy knew she sounded ungrateful but there was no way she was showing up there. It was the ultimate demise of her life as she wanted it and she wasn't going to go and torture herself.

"He'll be waiting for you."

Buffy could only shake her head. There was no way he would be waiting for her. Not after she was such an awful bitch to him. And yesterday when she had tried to approach him, he had run letting her know that she had gotten her request. He was leaving her alone. Her mother took her hands and smiled at her.

"After our talk last night I decided that I needed to take care of my daughters the way I should. Made some decisions and had some conversations."

"What are you talking about?"

"After school is out, Dawn and I are going to Portland to live with my mother. And you're going to go with Spike."

"He doesn't want me. He couldn't. Not after the way I treated him when all he wanted to do was love me." 

Everything was changing in one moment and she felt like she was on a tilt-a-whirl, getting dizzier by the minute. Her mother's hand stroked her face for a moment as she fought to regain her focus.

"Sweetheart, he sees how truly special you are. And you are. You went and got a job to take care of us without any hesitation. You've handled everything and he understands that things have been really rough."

_After a long weekend of soul searching Buffy had realized that Spike was right. She needed to fight back for what she wanted and first thing Monday morning after she had told him off she was in the guidance office waiting for Mrs. Lawrence. Her counselor had taken one look at her and ushered her in straight away. Buffy haltingly told Mrs. Lawrence everything that had been going on in her life._

_"Do you still want to go to college?"_

_Buffy nodded._

_"Yeah, I do, even if it's here in town. And I know it probably won't be until the spring semester but I want to get started. So, what do I do?"_

_Mrs. Lawrence had excused her from class while they got started on her applications for scholarships and grants. They also completed her application to UC Sunnydale. By the time she left she felt more in control of her life again and with a lot more hope for her future. Thanks to someone who loved her and always believed in her._

"Mommy, does he really want me to be there? I'm so scared."

"Yeah, he does. He loves you Buffy. He's a very special man and you'd be a fool not to be there for him. Of course, you'll have to do a lot of groveling before he'll take you back but it will be worth it.

With a feeling bordering on awe that he still loved her after everything she had put him through in the last year, Buffy went toward the bed. Her fingers stroked the velvet material of the dress she had picked out especially for him and allowed the dreams she used to have of their prom night to return. She smiled and looked back at her mother. It was time to let go and take a chance.

"For him," she whispered.

TBC


	8. Gossamer Wings

**Chapter 8 – Gossamer Wings**

The music blared out from the gym, and the pulsating beat of 'We Are Family', left a slight smile on Buffy's face. Even if she wouldn't keep in touch with them, the kids she had grown up with and shared her life with would somehow always be her family.

With a final smoothing of her dress, Buffy stepped into the melee and immediately tensed. Somehow history had repeated itself and she found herself facing the same gauntlet that she had encountered in the school hallway just a few short weeks ago. An overwhelming desire to run coursed through her but knew she wouldn't. Because just like before, Spike was on the other end and getting to him was worth facing this. Forcing herself to buck up, Buffy straightened her shoulders and vowed that this would be her victory.

Xander was first. She stepped up to him and when his eyes widened in surprise, she patted his chest.

"Xan, I just want you to know the reason I never went out with you. It's not because I didn't think you were good enough for me but because of what happened in eighth grade."

"What?" 

"You put glue in my hair trying to be the class clown and they had to cut about five inches off because it wouldn't come out. And you never apologized and that's why I never went out with you."

She stepped further into the room toward Willow. Without hesitation Buffy hugged the girl and was glad that the red head had come to prom.

"Just want to say thank you for all the help you've given me over the years."

"You're welcome, Buffy."

They exchanged a smile before she moved to her next target, Cordelia. There had never been any love lost between the two girls and Buffy wasn't going to sugar coat it now.

"Knowing you Cordy has taught me the difference between being competitive and being a bitch. Thank you for the help."

And that left only one person, Angel. Her Angel or so she had thought for two years. This was good-bye. And she wanted to go away with good feelings. His gaze was tender and filled with a touch of pride for not letting anyone cut her down tonight and she cupped his face and smiled up at him.

"I loved you with everything I had. And as badly as it ended I don't regret one moment of it and I wish you all the best that life has to offer."

"Buffy, I'm sorry…"

"Don't be. If you hadn't hurt me then I wouldn't have found the one I am meant to be with."

Rising up on her toes Buffy pressed a soft kiss to his lips. As she pulled away she could feel his cobalt stare on her. Spike. She turned and saw him standing by the refreshment table, hurt and anger clouding his features. She offered him a huge smile and stepped away from Angel. Opening her arms wide, she slowly turned in a circle, letting him see the dress. And when she faced him again, his eyes only held love and hunger for her. He understood and that was all that mattered.

~~~~~~

This was torture. He didn't like these school events and usually avoided them at all costs. His choice of companions were usually older than the girls he went to school with and wouldn't have been caught dead at a high school dance, which was fine because he hadn't wanted Buffy to see and be able to dissect the relationships that he had once had. He sighed as he looked around the room wondering if she was actually going to show. Joyce had said she would call if Buffy wasn't coming so he just had to wait. Most of the girls tittering all week about prom had made preparations an all day event and he knew that Buffy only had a couple of hours so that was what was making her late, he reassured himself.

A tingling moved through him and he turned to look toward the door just as she stepped into the room. He could only see flashes of her as she moved through the crowd, stopping to talk to her classmates, but she was coming closer with each conversation. So, it was all right. As long as she ended up with him, she could socialize all she wanted. Until she stopped to talk to Angel and his body tensed when she cupped his face. How could she? She was looking at him like she used to when she was in love with him. When she rose up and kissed him, Spike felt as if his heart was on the verge of breaking. But then, as if she knew, she turned to look for him.  Her eyes collided with his and for a moment he could see the acceptance of his hurt in those emerald depths. He wanted to look away or run away until she smiled. That smile he had come to know in the last year. The one that flashed when everything was right in her world and his negative emotions began to slip away at the sight. 

She stepped out into an open space and spread her arms out and slowly twirled. And he felt the rush of fire that she gave him burn through his soul at the sight before him. Joyce had said that Buffy had picked the dress out to wear for him and he knew it was true. It was velvet, the deep rich red of wine and when she twirled he saw that although the front was modest with a choker collar the back was open all the way to her waist. He smiled. The red was the collar of the top she had worn when they had first gone out and the open back was for the first time they had made love. He had spent long moments just kissing and loving her back, telling her it was the most beautiful one he had ever seen. Everything was somehow right again as he watched his woman walking toward him.

_Spike fidgeted in his tuxedo, reaching into his pocket and letting his fingers brush over the softness of Mr. Gordo, hoping it would help relax him.  Nothing had changed over the years. He still hated social events and he still hated getting dressed up. Of course, if it was for Buffy he would endure whatever he had to so she would be happy. So, he could get his smile. Because that's what it was now, his smile. Because he was the one that made her world safe and right just as she did for him. The music changed and he froze as the crowd stood. He took a step forward so he wouldn't miss a thing and looked to his left as anticipation made him fidget even more. The doors at the back of the sanctuary opened and she was there. For a moment Buffy hesitated and looked at him as her face lit up. It was his smile and he relaxed as the power of that one gesture made him humble in her love. He half expected her to turn so he could see the full effect of the dress but there was no need. Oh, yes, he knew she wouldn't disappoint. This dress would have an open back for him and a lustful shiver danced through his veins as he waited for her at the end of the aisle._

"Hi," she whispered. 

The slight picking at her dress and not looking him directly in the eye told him she was as nervous as he was. Spike laid his hand on her waist so he could pull her closer to him and with relief she came to him willingly. He kissed her hesitantly and chastely until the connection between them ignited and she relaxed in his arms.

"Hey, yourself," he said, laying his forehead against hers.

Buffy's hands smoothed the lapels of his tux down before she pulled away.

"I'm sorry for being so mean to you. But I wasn't just using you. I want you to know that. No one else can make me feel the way that you do and it was only you I wanted."

"It's good to hear that." 

His slightly sarcastic answer made her look up sharply and her eyes searched his face looking for answers but he wasn't ready to completely accept her apology yet. 

"Spike…" she started but another voice stopped her.

"Buffy."

They both turned toward the sound of the speaker to find that it was Xander. Looking at Buffy then Spike, he smiled and shrugged his shoulders. 

"Hey, Xander," Buffy said.

"I just wanted to apologize for the whole hair thing. I'm not looking for a date but I just wanted you to know I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Ummm, thanks for the apology."

Xander laughed awkwardly.

"Sorry, it's the prom emotionalism thing going on. I just feel like I have to make amends with everybody."

"It seems to be the night for it," Spike replied. His gaze fell to the girl beside him and he saw the slight flush on her face. And because he didn't want her to feel bad he squeezed her closer to him and was rewarded with a smile.

"I hear you two are going to UCLA." Xander said. "So, am I. I guess you can't fully escape from everything and everyone." Realizing how it sounded, Xander slapped his forehead and stammered out, "Not that I want to get away from you two. Sorry."

Buffy laughed and Spike smiled. Xander and he had never been friends. And it wasn't that Spike didn't like him. They just seemed different and he hadn't taken the time to get to know him.

"It's okay," Buffy said. "Yeah, we're going to UCLA. I probably won't start until spring though."

Spike turned to her in surprise but it was a good one. Apparently, she had made some decisions while they were apart and he knew that she'd fill him in later on with all the details.

"Hey, did you say that you all were going to UCLA?" Willow asked, turning away from the punch bowl. "Me too."

"Hey, hey the gang is all going to be there," Xander quipped.

And this time they all laughed. 

"I've got an idea," Willow said. Her face was flushed as she talked to them and Spike could feel the nervousness vibrating off of her. Always shy, Willow didn't talk to a lot of people, especially since she was the butt of so many of the kid's jokes in school. "Why don't we all take a ride down to LA next weekend to check it out?"

At first no one responded as they all looked at each other. Spike felt like they were all deciding whether or not since they were leaving high school if they could leave all their allotted slots behind them and take chances on people they normally wouldn't have.

"Okay, yes, sure cool," all three responded to Willow simultaneously and the red head visibly relaxed.

_His best man clapped his hand down on his shoulder, "you have got yourself one gorgeous looking woman," he whispered._

_Spike tore his eyes away from his bride to look at Xander, who was almost giggling in mirth._

_"Yeah, and you're woman ain't so bad either," Spike responded._

_The two men looked across the aisle at __Willow__ and when she noticed the intense stares of her fiancé and the groom, she blushed. Getting __Willow__ to blush had been a pastime of theirs over the years but Spike had soon learned that all it took was a certain lustful grin from Xander and she would blush from her toes to the roots of her hair. Dawn, standing next to Willow, noticed the playing amongst the friends, rolled her eyes, coughed discreetly and motioned toward Buffy. _

_Spike returned his attention to Buffy and noticed she had stopped in the middle of the aisle. He shrugged, flashing his baby blues at her and she laughed softly along with the other guests. Finally she continued toward him as if to say she had decided he was worth the trouble after all. When she reached the end of the aisle, he stepped forward, unwilling to be separated from her for a moment longer. His hand rested on her bare back and tickled her in that certain spot so that she quivered in front of him.  He watched as Eddie lifted her veil and whispered last minute advice to her before kissing her on the cheek, like the father he had become to her should. _

_Joyce had never left Sunnydale. She had gone in to talk to Eddie herself about the car and he had asked her to run his office. Apparently he had fallen in love as soon as she walked into the garage. Lucky for him, she had said yes, first to the job and then to his proposal a year later. Spike's former boss had become more of a dad to Buffy and Dawn than their own father ever had been. And Eddie had been tickled pink when Buffy had asked him to escort her down the aisle._

_Eddie stepped away to join his wife in the pew and Buffy was his. As they joined hands, he heard sniffling and turned toward his mother, bawling and holding the hands of her husband. Spike smiled at her then turned toward the man who was like a father to him now and gave him a 'does she have to do this' look. Rupert just smiled at him and patted his mother's hand. _

_His mother had never given up her search for a man with class and had found it in his high school librarian, Rupert Giles. Darla had found a book that he had never returned and taken it in the following school year. She had taken one look at the gentle, stuffy man and fallen head over heels in love. Apparently he hadn't been able to resist the petite firebrand and married her after only two months of courtship._

_Spike felt Buffy squeeze his hand and turned his attention back to the love of his life. Her eyes shone with pure happiness and he was glad that he was the one to give her this and knew that in his toast later he would say a thanks to her biological father for being the jerk he was. If he hadn't left, all of the lives of the people around him, and most importantly Buffy, might never have made it to this point. And he mouthed an 'I love you' before turning his attention to the minister ready to start the ceremony._

~~~~~~~

The first strands of their song came on and Buffy grabbed Spike's hand in excitement. When she had been on the prom committee she had insisted this song be played. It was all part of her fantasy and she wasn't going to spoil it now. She began to drag him away when she realized that Xander and Willow were still there.

"Sorry, our song, gotta dance," Buffy said as she pulled Spike away. "Catch up with you in a few and do you all want to have breakfast when this is over?"

The two smiled indulgently at her enthusiasm and nodded their agreement to breakfast. Buffy continued to pull Spike until they were under the big disco ball in the center of the room. Another small detail to her plan that she was going to see through if it killed both of them in the process.

"Why do I feel that I am being manipulated?" Spike said as she pulled him into her arms but drew the line when she started to lead. "Hey, I'm the man. Let me have a little control here."

Buffy giggled as she looked up at him and sighed. She was back in his arms and it was heaven. There was no other way to describe being with him. Her life was now in order and she had only one last thing to do. Well, not last because after spending the evening dancing with him, the last part of her fantasy was to head out to Whistler's Dock and make love as the sun rose over their lake. But she knew that Spike wouldn't have any objections to that.

The words of 'Wind Beneath My Wings' echoed around them. Neither of them really liked the song that much but it was their song. The first song they had slow danced to and if Buffy was forced to, she would have to admit that the words were appropriate for her feelings toward Spike. 

She took a step closer to him so that there wasn't any space between their bodies and she felt his hand slowly caress her back, sending shivers along her spine. Mentally she told herself to relax as she rested her forehead against his chin and his soft kiss on her brow made her realize it was time. Lifting her head she looked up into the face that she adored and smiled. Her fingers caressed the nape of his neck as tears welled up in her eyes.

"I love you, Spike. With everything that I have in me, I love you. For now, for always."

The tears spilled down her cheeks as she told him and she saw the look of joy that came over his face. She had done this. She had given him the happiness that he had been waiting a year to hear and she swore that there wouldn't be another day as long as they both lived that she wouldn't tell him how much he meant to her.

_I, Buffy, take thee, William…_

_I, William, take thee, Buffy…_

~~The End~~


End file.
